


We Don't Fight Fair

by memeicorn



Category: Youtubers, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Comedy, Exhibitionism, Humor, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Polyamory, Sexting, Sexual Humor, rated M for Maybe no fucking just sexually explicit text messages & sexual themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 10:18:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9486902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memeicorn/pseuds/memeicorn
Summary: “Oh,” Tyler says. Mark raises a questioning eyebrow at him, and Tyler turns his phone towards him. “Ethan’s getting me back for sexting him yesterday.”“Goodgod,” Mark says pointedly upon reading the text. “Can’t you see we’re busy, Ethan?” He shouts up the stairs to where Ethan’s work station is, and Tyler takes advantage of his brief moment of distraction to write a text back.Tyler (10:20 AM):We’re saving that idea for tonight. Until then, get to work.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i’ve been waiting so long to write a sexting fic and i think i’ve finally found my chance now. i’ve also never written a humour fic before but i had a ton of fun doing it so i hope you guys like it too
> 
> fic is in-universe except there’s more gayness & implied polyamory but that might as well be considered canon anyway lmao
> 
> title is a fall out boy lyric (from the take over, the break’s over) because i am the person that i am

It all starts when Ethan gets a text in the middle of livestreaming.

“So what I think I need to do is-” His phone vibrates on the table next to his microphone. “-I’m getting a text. Sorry, guys, I don’t know why I didn’t put my phone on silent.” He glances at the screen, registering the name. “It’s Tyler.” Ethan freezes when he scans the content of the message; he was already a little embarrassed for not being adequately prepared, but his face was turning beet red at the sight of this.

_**Tyler (1:27 PM):** When will you be done streaming? I wanna fuck that tight little ass of yours_

“Oh boy.” Ethan says into the mic, attempting to maintain composure in spite of his flushed face. “Sorry about that, guys. Tyler’s trying to get me to stop streaming again.” He turns his phone off and tosses it aside before returning to the game. The text is still lingering in the back of his mind, though, and it shows in his gameplay - he struggles through the remainder of the horror game he’s playing, then ends the stream early when he can’t figure out where to go. He pads down the hall and cracks open the door to Tyler’s room, where him and Mark are sitting on the bed looking vaguely guilty and incredibly amused. Mark’s laptop is open to the dead stream in front of them.

“The hell was that? I’m tryin’ to do my job and you’re over here sexting me.”

Mark bursts into a fit of giggles. “To his credit, your reaction was absolutely hilarious.”

Tyler shrugs, a smug grin spread across his face. “I was just being honest.”

“As if you didn’t have another tight little ass to fuck while I was busy?” Ethan huffs, making a grandiose gesture to Mark.

“Aw, but your tight little ass is my favourite,” Tyler replies.

“Assholes,” Ethan says, the smallest hint of a smirk on his face. He turns and shuts the door behind him -- two could play at that game.

 

 

The following day, Tyler and Mark are in a meeting, discussing the logistics of an upcoming video shoot.

“So for props, I’m thinking we have most of what we need alread-” Mark is cut off by a series of staccato vibrations from Tyler’s phone on the table.

“Sorry,” Tyler apologises. He picks up his phone with the intention of turning it off, but he’s taken aback by the preview of the message that caused the vibrations in question.

_**Ethan (10:19 AM):** Wish you would come up here and pull me aside so you can fuck me up against the wall like the slut I am_

“ _Oh_ ,” Tyler says. Mark raises a questioning eyebrow at him, and Tyler turns his phone towards him. “Ethan’s getting me back for sexting him yesterday.”

“Good _god_ ,” Mark says pointedly upon reading the text. “Can’t you see we’re busy, Ethan?” He shouts up the stairs to where Ethan’s work station is, and Tyler takes advantage of his brief moment of distraction to write a text back.

_**Tyler (10:20 AM):** We’re saving that idea for tonight. Until then, get to work._

 

 

Two days pass without any further developments, until Ethan is in the kitchen one morning, poaching eggs for himself and Kathryn. His hands are busy with the frying pan when his text tone chimes. He sighs defeatedly, hoping it’s not Mark summoning him to another impromptu live action filming session. “Hey Siri,” he calls towards the general direction of his phone, “read me my text message.”

“New message from Tyler,” the robotic voice dutifully responds. “Why aren’t you on your knees choking on my cock right now?”

“Oh my god,” Ethan and Kathryn say in unison. Ethan turns to glance at his aghast housemate while still attempting to keep absorbed with not burning her eggs. “I’m really sorry, Kat. Tyler’s been doing this thing where he sexts me in the middle of the day to try and embarrass me. I didn’t think he would do it now, though,” he says, the last sentence coming out more complaint than apology.

“Um, it’s fine,” Kathryn says, blushing feverishly, moreso than even the recipient of the text message. “Just one of those things we can pretend never happened.”

“Please do, for my sake.” Ethan’s phone goes off again while he says it. “Oh, fuck off!” He shouts, loud enough for Tyler to hear down the hall this time.

 

 

It’s only a handful of hours later that Ethan decides to get him back, but this time they’re all out at a restaurant, getting dinner together after a long day at the office. Ethan pulls out his phone under the table, just barely drawing it out from under the tablecloth, trying to be as discreet as possible. Amy, who’s beside him, takes notice, but says nothing.

_**Ethan (7:46 PM):** If we weren’t with everyone I would totally crawl under this table and suck you off in front of this whole entire restaurant_

Tyler checks his phone immediately, reads the text, but doesn’t react with as much urgency; he just slips his phone face down on the table and adds something to the midst of their conversation about their favourite TV shows growing up. Ethan watches as he takes a couple sips of his drink, laughs at a joke Mark makes, then finally picks up his phone again to send a reply. Ethan watches with equal parts anticipation and frustration as Tyler texts idly, eyes flitting around the room and taking his sweet time typing.

_**Tyler (7:48 PM):** You would, too, you’re such a good boy. Would you let me take you into the bathroom and fuck you in one of the stalls too?_

“Everybody ready to order?” Their waitress chirps at them, and Ethan’s face flushes, having not noticed her before then. He catches Tyler’s shit-eating smirk out of the corner of his eye, as if he had strategically timed the message for maximum effect. Ethan’s natural impulse falls to retaliation - he waits until the waitress collects their menus and leaves, and waits still until the conversation starts up again.

_**Ethan (7:50 PM):** Of course I would, Daddy, but only if you cover my mouth to make sure people don’t hear me moaning_

Amy watches intently as Ethan quickly shuffles his phone away, then Tyler’s buzzes across the table, and he picks it up to read it. “You two textin’ over there?” She asks after a moment, shooting Ethan a suspicious look.

“No,” Ethan replies quickly, but his guilty expression gives him away.

“Let me see that,” Mark demands, snatching Tyler’s phone from him and scanning the conversation history. “ _Eeewwww_ ,” He reacts. “Not while the rest of us are right here, guys!”

Amy reaches to grab Tyler’s phone from Mark, who readily gives it up, and she reads the messages as well, laughing. “Gross. Wanna see, Kat?”

“I want no part in this,” Kathryn replies, holding her hands up in refusal.

“At least _someone_ respects our privacy,” Ethan says bitterly.

Mark scoffs. “What privacy? There’s no privacy if you’re doing it in the middle of a restaurant.”

“What he said,” Tyler replies.

“Hey, don’t you go pointing fingers at me, ‘cuz you started this!” Ethan insists, glancing to Mark for confirmation. “Right? He started it, right?”

“Actually, it might have been my idea to begin with,” Mark says, bursting into a fit of giggles, prompting Amy to crack up across from him too.

“It was definitely his idea to begin with, because-” Tyler interjects.

“You were the one who agreed to it, _daddy_ ,” Mark snaps back at him. The mention of the nickname makes Ethan hide his head and shame in his hands; this then brings Amy to pat his back reassuringly.

“Aw. It’s okay, you guys are a cute couple,” she says. “Exhibitionist, but cute.”

“No, no, no, _that’s_ something Tyler started. Didn’t you say you were super into that, babe?” Ethan asks across the table. He’s met with another smug smirk.

“I think you know exactly what I said about that.” Tyler chides. “And even if you didn’t, I’m sure you could ask Mark about it.”

A beat passes while Mark takes a sip of his drink, glancing between the four pairs of eyes at the table now staring expectantly at him. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.”

 

  
That night, Ethan is washing his face in the bathroom when he gets another text. He shuts off the faucet and dries himself off quickly, thinking nothing of the notification until he reads the name of the sender.

_**Tyler (9:21 PM):** You never did make good on that whole getting fucked against a wall thing._

Ethan rolls his eyes and fires a text back.

_**Ethan (9:21 PM):** Dude, relax, I’m not around anyone right now. Also we just ate. No thanks._

_**Tyler (9:22 PM):** It’s not about other people right now. I just want to touch you and be close to you, alright?_

Ethan blushes a little bit; he almost starts to feel bad for thinking Tyler was just carrying on the joke. He exits the bathroom and finds Tyler in the hallway, leaning against the doorframe of his own bedroom, cell phone in hand.

“Too much?” Tyler asks, his expression sheepish.

Ethan grabs him by the front of his shirt and leans up to kiss him. Tyler breathes in deeply through his nose, his eyes immediately fluttering shut as he sinks into the contact. “We can save sex against the wall,” Ethan says, muffled against Tyler’s lips, “but I’m not done with you yet tonight.”

“ _Gross_ ,” a voice says from behind them. Ethan whips his head around to discover Mark standing down the hallway, watching them, face contorted in disgust. “At least make out in private.” Mark walks around the corner to disappear into the kitchen, prompting Ethan to shoot Tyler an irritated glare.

Tyler chuckles nervously. “Okay, maybe it was still about other people a _tiny_ bit.”

Ethan seizes Tyler’s hand in his own and yanks him into the bedroom. “I’m gonna make you pay for this.”

**Author's Note:**

> tyler’s exhibitionism kink is canon and no one can tell me otherwise
> 
> out of all the strife i wrote our bebs into for this fic, i feel the most sorry for kathryn. she didn’t deserve this. all she wanted was breakfast
> 
> hmu on [tumblr](http://tylerthirstbot.tumblr.com) if you’ve got writing prompts or headcanons bc i’m full of sin thanks


End file.
